INSPIRED ACTION
JaMee Sassafras sat down with MELD attendee Gabe (Zhantee Fallen) in a conversation about themselves and how the MELD event inspired clarity around neutral spaces within SL’s BDSM landscape.
JaMee: Hi Gabe. It's great of you to take the time and talk with me and consenting to doing this interview for the FCC Newsletter. I wanted to start off by asking if you would be willing to share a bit about yourself?
Gabe: Absolultely! I'm Gabe, AKA Zhantee Fallen. I've been involved in the BDSM scene in real life for about fifteen years on and off, and the SL scene occasionally in the past but more actively for a little over a year. I'm a non-binary switch - assigned female IRL and presenting as a femboy in SL. My interests are pretty diverse - I've done a lot of roleplay, including plenty of Gor, helped to run some sims, blogged, and generally bopped around SL for about sixteen years now.
JaMee: that is a wide range of interests and styles of engaging with the community in SL. Are there any of those in particular you found most interesting?
Gabe: Roleplay has always been my big passion. I love writing and being able to create stories with other people. I get a lot of joy out of bouncing ideas off of other folks and doing an improv 'yes and' in scenes to see what happens. There's fun to be had in every type of RP, though I've got a big soft spot for modern supernatural and scifi. For me, it's not just about the story, but the stylistic expression of writing and showing as much as you can in your posts, adding unique details that other people can build off of. There's nothing better than catching the same train of thought as another player and just riding it together as far as you can, until you're howling with laughter or sobbing at the words on your screen.
JaMee: I can completely relate to that, having spent many years in some great roleplay environments and scenes.
One of the things that brought you to mind for an interview for the newsletter, was a great resource you created called the "Neutral Space" BDSM locations in SL. Can you explain what that is?
Gabe: Totally! The "Neutral Spaces" card is an idea that came out of MELD. A lot of folks were discussing the importance of places in the BDSM community that didn't have rules that required people to behave in a certain way according to their D/s role and how sims that have those requirements can have negative impacts on the participants. I've always been pretty averse to that style of high protocol sim where people had to kneel and address others a certain way or weren't allowed to say no to requests. It was refreshing to hear that other people felt the same way. After talking to people there and realizing that there was a bigger interest in those sorts of spaces, I took up a personal initiative to compile a list of sims that I found which didn't have that kind of rule structure. The list would only include places where participation in a D/s dynamic was optional and up to the individual. It took a lot of TPing around, reading notecards, going to places I'd never normally visit, but eventually I got a pretty decent list together. That's the notecard. It's a work in progress but I'm proud of it.
JaMee: How do you feel this information can be a benefit for the FCC community and BDSM community as a whole?
Gabe: I think there's a lot of people who aren't fans of the rules-heavy sims and feel alienated from the community at large because so many spaces require that they set aside their own comfort and participate in a forced dynamic. There's also new folks who are terrified to step foot on sims that have such intense rules. I've been among those folks myself - I was beyond scared to visit a lot of femdom locations because of the rules!
Having a list of places that folks can go to and dip their toe into the community without being concerned about saying the right honorific, or where they can just relax and be themselves without respect to looking sufficiently dominant or submissive is so important. It helps us connect as humans, meet new people, have honest conversations, and really open up, without any overtones or restrictions
JaMee: I can very much relate to and understand that discomfort in some of those spaces. I applaud you for taking the time and doing this with such a thorough undertaking
What can we as a community do to help keep and create spaces like this, the "Neutral Spaces"? What are the important qualities to have to qualify as a "Neutral Space"?
Gabe: Thank you. It was a big surprise and relief that so many people agreed. I probably wouldn't have made the list if no one had responded positively. Instead, the response made me absolutely sure I had to do it. ^-^
To me, a place qualifies as a neutral space if it's a BDSM-focused location which doesn't require visitors to take part in a power dynamic as a condition of being there. That means no rules based around their chosen D/s role, like dominants must wear certain attire or subs must call all doms sir/ma'am. If a person chooses to partake in their personal D/s power dynamic with their partners, that's fine. They just don't have to with strangers.
In my view, we keep these spaces in two ways: support the ones that exist, and grow new ones. Visiting events at neutral locations supports their existence. Growing new ones can mean opening new places, but it can also mean reevaluating rules at existing locations.
I think a lot of places see certain rules as a default. Like if you open a BDSM sim, you just automatically default to having that power dynamic be required because people expect it. But, what if that wasn't the case? I definitely encourage sims with those rules now to try to envision a version of their sim that is more neutral. Would that still support the ambiance you're going after? What would your members think? Discuss it. Give it serious thought. Stretch your mind a little. I think you might find that there's more flexibility in the way your sim is set up than you originally assumed.
Gabe: (I should note for the record that I am having this Very Serious Discussion while wearing a frog onesie, lol)
JaMee: I love that answer and especially the suggestion to encourage conversation, explore alternatives, and expand the ideas of what D/s and BDSM spaces look like and conduct the everyday life within those spaces
Gabe: I don't usually hang around the sims that aren't neutral spaces, because I assume they don't really want me there since I opt out of power dynamics with strangers, but I have had some positive visits in the past, even while politely not following certain rules. ;)
JaMee: For complete transparency, I am dressed up as Harley Quinn during this very serious conversation. Which shows the importance of connecting to one another, not as a role, but as people. Appearance and presentation, the external trappings of D/s and BDSM have low value. We can have deep conversation and discussion while also expressing ourselves in a wide range of unique ways
Gabe: Exactly! Whether we're a frog or a villain, a dom or a sub, we're all people.
JaMee: Thank you Gabe for taking the time to do this. And for the time you took to create the "Neutral Spaces" list. I feel that this will be a great asset to the community.
Gabe: Thank you! All I need now is a way to distribute it. At the moment it just lives in my inventory and the inventories of a few folks I've shared it with.
JaMee: It's going to be included in the newsletter because we want to share a great resource with as many people as we can.
For a copy of Gabe's notecard '"Neutral Space" BDSM Locations in SL' visit the FCC Kiosk or ask Gabe!